#70: Harley Ruins Your Favorite Love Songs - Teddy Swims, Sia, Bruno Mars

In this episode, Harley dives into a fun yet insightful analysis of three popular love songs that might make you rethink your playlist: I Lose Control by Teddy Swims, Elastic Heart by Sia, and Grenade by Bruno Mars. Taking on the role of a relationship coach, Harley imagines these song lyrics as if they were clients sitting in a therapy session, sharing their romantic struggles.

Harley explores how these songs, while catchy and romantic on the surface, often glorify toxic behaviors that we’ve come to accept as ‘normal’ in love stories. From possessive jealousy and feeling out of control to shaming, blaming, and self-sacrifice, these songs highlight common patterns that are often romanticized in music but can be damaging in real relationships.

Tune in for a mix of humor, raw honesty, and relationship wisdom as Harley breaks down why we should pay closer attention to the messaging in the love songs we adore. You'll never hear these tracks the same way again! (Written by AI)

Mentioned in this Episode

• Loose Control - Teddy Swims
• Elastic Heart - Sia
• Grenade - Bruno Mars

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Transcript

Hey hey friends, is Harley Rabbit here. Welcome back to another episode of Turns Adam Into It, the show all about helping you discover your kinky self and live your best sex life.

In today's episode, I thought we might have a little bit of fun. I've had this idea for a little while and wanted to test it out. basically for some context, I'm studying relationship and intimacy coaching, sex coaching, just about to start my advanced certification, which is really exciting. I probably will have already started it by the time you're hearing this. And...

Basically, yeah, I've been learning a lot about intimacy and relationships and all of the psychology behind it, all of that kind of stuff, which is great. But the thing is when you do develop a really intense awareness of this kind of thing, the weirdest thing happens when you're listening to pop music, you start to realize how messed up it is.

So, and what I mean by that is just so many love songs are coming from very painful places, we'll put it that way. And I guess the darker side of this realization is just how often we romanticize very toxic behavior in relationships. So that's kind of the underlying theme of what we're going to be chatting about today. But my idea is to...

present to you guys three different songs. I'm going to analyze three different popular songs, the lyrics, as if they were my clients. And we're going to see what we can uncover, what's really going on, what are these lyrics really saying. So I thought that might be fun.

Before I jump into that, I wanted to give you a quick life update. So I did my CNC workshop. ran that the other week and it was so much fun. I was really surprised. First of all, this is the first time I've run a workshop like this online and I really wasn't sure what to expect or if I would even sell any tickets. Turns out I sold loads of tickets, loads more than I was expecting.

the, the live presentation was pretty quiet, but that's fair enough. I was expecting most people to, watch the replay anyway. but we did have a little intimate group in the live workshop, which was really fun. and I don't know, I'm just proud of myself for what I've put together and it makes me feel like this is the space that I should be in right now doing, talking about this stuff. I'm so passionate about it.

And it's so exciting and fun to me. And I just want to share that with as many people as possible. So that was really, really positive. And, this, this workshop was a bit of a tester to see how it felt and whether I wanted to pursue doing more workshops in the future. I think the answer to that is yes. So I've already got three more that I'm planning on three different topics. and my plan is to run one a month and just cycle them through. So the CNC one will come back again.

in a couple of months, if you missed it. but I do have quite a bit on right now, so we'll see how long it takes me to get started. on that note, my good old friends at Stripe have canceled my, well, they, they've notified me that they're closing my account again. So if you don't know who Stripe is, basically they, are responsible for processing your payments online and I use them to take payments for my coaching.

Anyway, I've done a lot of work to meet their criteria and cause this happened to me a few months ago. And I got it all back, back up and running and thought it was all good, but I got another email the other day saying that they were closing my account because I am a dating service and that's in their restricted business list. I'm not a dating service. I don't introduce people to each other. don't set up.

dates, not a matchmaking service, which is what they're describing in their restricted business list. That's not me. I'm essentially a couples counselor. I help couples and individuals navigate issues with intimacy and relationships.

a dating service. So I'm currently halfway through an appeal at the moment. I'll let you know how that goes. The joys of working in this industry. Censorship is intense, but anytime this stuff happens, it just makes me more passionate because it shows me how

weird the world is about sex and about intimacy. The website that they're looking at, doesn't even have the word sex on it. It just talks about intimacy. So I've been really, really vanilla in the way I'm presenting my work. You guys obviously get a different side of me on the podcast, but I'm not processing payments here.

But yeah, it's just eye-opening how censored the world is around this stuff. And no wonder people have so many issues with it because we don't know how to talk about it or we're not allowed to talk about it. I'm not even allowed to educate people who are wanting education in this space. It's just crazy. Anyway, that was a side rant, but that is something that I'm going to have to solve before I get the workshops up and running again, because I need to be able to process tickets and stuff like that.

So it's an ongoing challenge, but...

Yeah, that's, that's what's going on in my, my life at the moment, as well as, about being about to start up my studies again. I will say I get a little bit rebellious when I get, cause this stuff gets really frustrating. Like all the censorship stuff gets frustrating. It's hard to start your own business, let alone having all these extra challenges, especially when they're so stupid. so my way of rebelling or dealing with.

being censored is I tend to just want to get my exhibitionist side out and I take lots of sexy photos and post them on FetLife.

It's my way of showing who I am and proving to the world that I can do this. look, I'm posting sexy, erotic photos of me with my boobs out and no one's getting hurt. Wow. Isn't that a surprise? Anyway, that's, that's, Slade and I had fun doing a little photo shoot last night. the problem we were having, I'm going on too much, but whatever. we would, we were wanting to get.

I wanted to get this specific photo of a couple of specific photos of like, these, this real like dom sub kind of CNC vibe. I've seen a few people do this beautifully on FetLife. and I wanted him to try taking a photo of like his, him, I'm laying down and he's got his work boots on and just like standing on my neck being like super degrading to me. but I.

I took so many photos and it is hard to photograph yourself. But I couldn't stop laughing and smiling. I was just having so much fun. So it was really hard to get any photos where I actually looked genuinely afraid or like I was being degraded in this scene because I just kept having too much fun.

But those photos can be pretty wholesome too. Anyway, that's my life update. Let's get into today's episode.

All right. The first song we are going to analyze is a real banger. It's very popular song at the it's called lose control by Teddy swims. Man, it is such a groovy tune. You can't help but move to it. my background is in music, so I do, I used to do a lot of music analysis, so this is going to be really fun to do it from this perspective.

and let's have a look at the lyrics.

Unfortunately, I can't play the song on the podcast due to copyright reasons. so if you would like to listen to it, you'll have to go and do that off your own accord. but here are the lyrics. First verse. Something's got a hold of me lately.

No, I don't know myself anymore. Feels like the walls are closing in and the devil's knocking at my door. Out of my mind, how many times did I tell you I'm no good at being alone? Yeah, it's taking a toll on me, trying my best to keep from tearing the skin off my bones. Don't you know? Okay, so if this was a client, would first of all be offering them a lot of compassion. They sound like they're not in a good place.

anytime someone describes feeling like the walls are closing in, that they're tearing the skin off their bones, that is a very intense form of anxiety right there.

Just to be clear here, I'm not a psychologist, but I do want to empathize with these kinds of emotions.

All right, so now we're at the chorus. lose control when you're not next to me, when you're not here with me. I'm falling apart right in front of you. Can't you see? I lose control when you're not next to me. You're breaking my heart, baby. You make a mess of me. Anytime someone says I lose control in the context of a relationship.

That is a big fat red flag, right? And in this, in these lyrics, it's sounding like he's saying, I lose control. I'm falling apart right in front of you. Can't you see? This is starting to sound quite abusive. He's saying, I'm falling apart in front of you. Why are you doing this to me? I'm going to lose control. You're breaking my heart. You're making a mess of me.

No, no. Okay. We are always responsible for controlling ourselves. No one else is responsible for controlling our behavior. So the minute someone's tried to blame you for the way they're acting, red flag and not okay.

I just want to point out here that this song is one of the biggest songs at the moment. People love it. I love it. It's so groovy and you want to sing along to it. It sounds super sexy. But when you actually break these lyrics down, you've got a chorus that's saying, I lose control and it's your fault, essentially, which is super toxic.

So I love music, and I love pop music, but music is number one, enemy number one for normalizing and romanticizing toxic behavior. Right? Anyway, let's keep going.

Problematic. Problem is I want your body like a fiend, like a bad habit. Bad habits hard to break when I'm with you. Yeah, I know, I could do it on my own, that real full moon black magic and it takes two. Problematic. Problem is when I'm with you, I'm an addict and I need some relief. My skin in your teeth.

Can't see the forest through the trees, got me down on my knees, darling, please." And then back to the chorus, chorus, and we're out. Compliments on the songwriting here. The skin in your teeth line is very sexy. But in this verse, he's essentially comparing their relationship to an

When I'm with you, I'm an addict. I need some relief.

can't see the forest for the trees. So this does not sound like it's a healthy relationship. the very definition of addiction is that you're using something and you can't stop it's out of your control, despite the fact that it's detrimental to your life. So if, if you were seeing a relationship in this way,

that your relationship was something you wanted to let go of, but you felt like you couldn't. and that the relationship is detrimental to your life or other areas of your is not a healthy relationship. And if this was my client of mine, I would firstly normalize that and do you shame that? we all get into difficult situations like this. Sometimes, we're all very good at.

wanting things that make us feel good in the short term, even though we know that they're ultimately not good for us. But I would be wanting to support this person in getting back some autonomy in their own life. It sounds like they're feeling very trapped in this relationship.

I would want to help them, gain some control over their own emotions and behavior. Given that they're saying I lose control and this person is having this huge effect on me, this huge destabilizing effect on me. I would be thinking, okay, well, let's talk about what the triggers are. Let's, understand how they feel in your body and how we can look for warning signs, how we can bring you back down when you're at your,

noticing your nervous system escalating like that. Cause essentially goal here is to not lose control. It's to be able to always be in control of your own behavior and definitely not take that out on other people. And if you're feeling like you're in a relationship that is ultimately bad for you, I want to give you some tools and skills to empower you to make the right decisions for you.

so listening to this song, it might sound passionate. It might sound romantic to talk about and lose control when I'm with you and you I'm addicted to you, but my God, that is not okay. That is not a good place to be for you or your partner. So

It might sound sexy and romantic in a song, but in real life, no, huge red flags.

All right, let's have a look at song number two. Song number two is actually, think my favorite song at the moment, even though it's kind of old now. The song is Elastic Heart by Sia.

It came out in 2013. my God, it's like nine years old. Wow. All

So first verse we've got, and another one bites the dust. why can I not conquer love? I might've thought that we were one, wanted to fight this war without weapons. I wanted it, I wanted it bad, but there were so many red flags. Now another one bites the dust. Yeah, let's be clear, I'll trust no one. Oof.

Okay, so it sounds like this person has just gone through a breakup. It sounds like they've been really hurt and maybe they saw it coming, saying there were so many red flags and now it's over. Another one bites the dust. Sounds like maybe there's been a few relationships like this. Maybe this is a bit of a pattern.

So they're obviously feeling really hurt and just maybe burns out from trying, which is super understandable.

This line, I wanted it, I wanted it bad. Yeah, you did. You wanted it to work so much, but there was so many red flags. That's what they've said. And this person has decided that, you know what? It's not for me. I need to get out of here. I think that is a really healthy message. Firstly, it's identifying that.

These feelings suck and it hurts. And it's okay to feel this way, to feel really hopeless, to feel like, why, why can I not conquer love? I wanted it so bad. To be angry about that. That makes sense.

I like that this song acknowledges this pain, but it never gets away from her. She's acknowledging the pain that she's in, but the next thing she says in the pre-chorus is, you did not break me. I'm still fighting for peace. So she's...

telling this person and maybe telling herself that this isn't breaking, this has not broken me. I'm still here, I'm still strong and I'm gonna keep fighting.

Another line that really stuck out to me in this verse was, let's be clear. I'll trust no one. That is fair, especially if you've been hurt multiple times and someone has broken your trust, that feeling of betrayal. it can lead you to feel like you've got no one else that you can trust except yourself. and while self-reliance is really positive, it needs to be a balance. We do need to be able to still.

have connection with other people as well as our own autonomy. It's this balance between the two that helps us feel safe, feel confident, feel like a part of a community. All of those things that are really important for humans to do well. So while she might feel like she can't trust anyone, that would be something if she was my client, I would be helping her to work on.

building up that ability to trust again.

All right, the chorus. I've got thick skin and an elastic heart, your blade, it might be too sharp. I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard. I may snap and I move fast, but you won't see me fall apart, because I've got an elastic heart.

I love this analogy of an elastic heart. It's like, it's saying, yeah, I'm fucking resilient. I've been through some shit and I can stretch and I can recover. But there's a point where there's a limit to my resilience and that's where I feel like I'm going to break. And it sounds like she's at that point where she's like, I need to step away and...

care of myself, I need to step away from this relationship before I break." Which is fucking hard to do and massively brave and massively that shows a lot of self-compassion, self-worth. To be able to say enough is enough and set limits and boundaries and protect yourself, that is yes, yes, please.

Alright, next verse.

All right. I actually don't know what this song was written about. If there is a story behind it, I haven't looked into it, but if we're, if this is about a breakup, I guess, generally speaking.

she's describing not being able to sleep. She's going through some shit. She's walking through fire, but she knows she can survive. and she's doing this for her,

and that's really hard to do. if this was a client, I would say they're striking a beautiful balance between allowing themselves to feel how they feel and acknowledging how fucking hard it is

but also not getting swallowed by those feelings. They're allowing themselves to feel them, but they're remembering, can survive. I'm resilient. I will keep doing everything I can. And it's that desire and that self protection.

self-love, honestly, that's gonna get you through this hard period. And hopefully you're gonna find something much, better in the long run.

So I would say this song is a really healthy representation of the emotions that we feel after a breakup.

I don't see anything in these lyrics that feels toxic. It's not romanticizing anything dangerous or harmful. It's just owning the fact that these feelings are hard, they suck, but I'm going to get through this.

All right, the last song that we're going to analyze is called Grenade by Bruno Mars. It admittedly, I think I'd heard the song before, but I don't know it very well at all. So let's have a look at the lyrics and imagine this was a client.

First verse. Easy come, easy go. That's just how you live. Take, take, take it all, but you never give. Should have known you was trouble from the first kiss. Had your eyes wide open. Why were they open? Gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash. You tossed it in the trash, you did. To give me all your love is all I ever ask. Cause what you don't understand is.

and we'll get to the chorus in a minute. So in the verses here, it sounds like he's describing a relationship that feels very one-sided. He's saying, it's all take, take, take, but you never give. And that's very common in relationships when there is an imbalance there that that can feel really disrespectful if you're the one that feels like you're doing all the work and all the giving.

We all need to loved and appreciated in return in order for us to feel secure in the relationship.

The line to give me all your love is all I ever ask. That one is a little jarring because, you know, I only asked you to give me all of your love. Like that's not a big deal. That's a huge thing to ask of someone. I mean, I don't know how long this relationship has been going for, but if it's like semi short term, that might be a big ask. And you might be coming across a little strong, which

Understandably, then the other person might be trying to back off and not give you a lot of a lot back in return. They might be going, whoa, you're a bit intense. So if this was a client of mine, I would try and, you know, I would do some digging to see if that was maybe what was happening. Maybe they're coming on a little bit strong.

and make sure what they're expecting from their partner is reasonable because we are taught a lot of the time that our partners should basically solve all our problems and make us complete is the narrative, which is very unrealistic. And if you believe that you're going to be, it's going to set you up for a lot of disappointment. All right, let's have a look at this chorus.

I'm going to lead into the chorus from the end of the verse. we've got, gave you all the love I had. You tossed it in the trash. You tossed it in the trash. To give me all your love is all I ever ask. Cause what you don't understand is here's the chorus. I'd catch a grenade for you. Throw my hand on a blade for you. I'd jump in front of a train for you. You know.

I'd do anything for you. dude. no. This is not how you, I know it sounds romantic to say, I would do anything for you. I would die for you. But do know how intense that feels from the receiving end?

so I think my, initial analysis was right. This person sounds like they're very intense and that they're coming at their partner, with all of this energy of like, I would die for you. And they're wondering why they're not getting much in return.

Just, yeah.

Okay, let's keep going.

I would go through all this pain, take a bullet straight through my brain. Yes, I would die for you, baby, but you won't do the same. No, of course they won't do the same because that is a really unreasonable thing to expect someone to do for you. You can love your partner, but. Dying for them is not a romantic idea. I know we think it is, but it's not.

This is like the very definition of putting your entire self into the relationship and completely losing yourself in the relationship. You should still be a person, regardless of your relationship status. Okay?

Ugh, this is a lot. Okay. Is this the last verse?

Black, black, black and blue, beat me till I'm numb. Tell the devil I said, hey, when you get back to where you're from, mad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are. You'll smile in my face then rip out the brakes in my car. Whoa!

Yep. Right. So this is just crossed into from being really intense to being really angry at this woman for not reciprocating the intensity. It's been like, Hey, I was really nice to you. I loved you. I would have done anything for you, but you're obviously evil and the devil because you're not immediately giving that back to me. No, not okay. This is extremely toxic behavior.

All is there any more? I think it just repeats the second verse and then it goes back into the chorus.

we've got, maybe is this a bridge? If my body was on fire, you would watch me burn down in flames. You said you loved me. You're a liar. Cause you never ever did, baby. But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for you. He still would. okay. I feel like this person is coming from a place of deep desperation for love.

And I have to give them some compassion for that. They obviously are wanting this so much that they're actually sabotaging their chances at a relationship because they're coming at it so hard. And it sounds like there's a lot of resentment and anger there that, like they're saying, if my body was on fire, you'd watch me burn down in flames. You said you loved me. You're a liar. Like that's really bitter.

First of all, don't tell someone what they would do, okay? You don't know, right? Only they can know that. And being angry at someone for saying they loved you, well, maybe they did. just, like, feelings change. We fall in and out of love all the time. That's really common. don't have a lot of control over that. But if someone is no longer in love with you, it doesn't mean that...

everything that you did have together meant nothing because that love could have been very real and it's okay to cherish those memories and those moments that you did have just because you've broken up it doesn't mean that all of that is meaningless now.

I feel like there's this real, I, this idea that relationships are only worth something if they last forever. And that's just not true. You like think about, if you think back on your life and all the people who have come into your life and then gone out of your life, it is, it shouldn't diminish them, those relationships or those experiences just because that person isn't still in your life. Does that make sense?

have awesome mates from uni, from the different courses that I've done, even my exes that I haven't spoken to in years. But if I were to pick up the phone or text them, would, or see them in the street randomly, it would be I still care about these people, even though we...

don't see each other very often or we haven't really maintained contact. I care about them because I value the relationship we did have and they were an important part of my life at the time. because we're not still close doesn't diminish that. Does that make sense? Okay, so I'm going to say this song is a prime example of romanticizing toxic behavior. my God. It's almost...

Like, is it a parody? Like, is it self-aware? That's what I want to know. Cause it's so far, like it's so extreme that in my brain, like you have to know how crazy you sound. You are not the good guy in this situation. You need to get some therapy. You need to do some work on yourself. the, person that has left you, maybe they needed to,

Maybe this is the relationship that Sia was describing. Hey, it was great, but then there was a lot of red flags and I cut myself off because I deserve better than this. Yeah, that could be the alternate perspective of this song. my God. All right.

Let me know if this was fun to analyze some love song lyrics. And please think about this when you are listening to music, if you catch yourself hearing lyrics to a love song, think about is this okay? What they're describing, is that healthy? Is that respectful and empowered? Is it respecting the other person's boundaries? Respecting their own needs?

Or are these lyrics super, super toxic under the disguise of passion? Because that is what we see in music a lot. And as fun as it is, like it's just a song, you know, why do we don't have to take it so seriously? But these are the messages that are everywhere in our culture. And people genuinely think it is romantic to say, I would die for you unless you're

I don't know, there's very few relationships where I feel like that level of intensity is appropriate.

Maybe if you're in your eighties and you've been together your whole life, then sure, I'll give you a pass, but generally speaking, that's not something that I would want to hear from a partner. I would be like, holy shit, that is a lot of pressure. You're just putting on me there. Like be your own person. Okay. But that's key to.

good relationships is that we are both still our own people and we're choosing to share ourselves with each other. But we don't lose ourselves in that relationship, right?

Anyway, those are my thoughts. If you think of any other songs that you think would be fun for me to analyze, whether they're really healthy or whether they're really toxic, please send them to me. You can message me on Instagram or you can hit in the show notes, you can hit the send me a text button. Text them to me. Cause I think it could be fun to do a couple of these episodes.

And just bring a bit of awareness to the culture that we're perpetuating.

All right. Thank you so much for listening, everyone. Just a reminder, if you do want to take part in my workshops, in any of my upcoming workshops, make sure you jump on my mailing list. That's the best place to get notifications about what I'm running. You can do that. There'll be a link to that in the show notes. Otherwise on my website, HarleyRabbit.com, if you scroll down to the bottom, you can click join my newsletter, something to that effect.

also make, make sure you're following me on Instagram and FetLife. If you're on those platforms, those are also good ways to stay in touch.

Alright, thank you so much for listening, everyone. I hope you're having a wonderful day or evening or afternoon, wherever you are in the world. Play safe, have fun, and I will catch you soon.