#71: Overcoming Old Stories - How Kink Helped me get my First Tattoo!

In this episode, Harley Rabbit opens up about finally getting her first tattoo—a significant milestone that stirred up childhood memories and beliefs. Harley reflects on how her journey into kink and pain play has reshaped her understanding of resilience, pain, and bravery. Sharing stories about childhood fears, needle phobias, and reclaiming agency through kink, Harley discusses how these experiences helped overcome lifelong limiting beliefs.

Tune in for an honest, empowering discussion about using kink as a way to challenge old narratives, embrace your strength, and celebrate your journey. Plus, hear updates on Harley’s coaching journey, Somatica training, and her battles with challenges in the adult industry. 

Resources Mentioned:

• Book Recommendation: The Way Out by Alan Gordon for chronic pain management.
• HarleyRabbit.com – Book a free connection call.
• Find tattoo pictures on Harley’s Instagram and Fetlife profiles.

Contact 

• Harleyrabbit.com 
• Sign up to my Newsletter
• Follow me on Fetlife
• Follow me on Instagram

Transcript

Harley (00:13)
Hey, hey friends, it is Harley Rabbit here. Welcome back to another episode of Turns Out I'm Into It, the show all about helping you discover your kinky self and live your best sex life.

I have exciting news. Yesterday, I got my very first tattoo, which I'm so proud of myself for. I've been wanting to get a tattoo, like I've loved tattoos my whole life and have wanted to get one forever. I finally did it yesterday. Big thanks and big shout out to my best friend Jess, who organized that for me.

I got some little Harley diamonds, Harley Quinn diamonds on my left thigh. So I just wanted to start with something small and simple this time. Obviously Harley Quinn is pretty special to me.

so this design felt like the right place to start. just to learn what it's like to get a tattoo, whether I am strong enough to go through the, to endure the pain that everyone talks about, whether I like having a tattoo on my body. mean, your, body is very personal to you and I felt like changing my body in some way felt really, I just wasn't sure about it. I didn't know how it would feel.

So got this little simple design and I think that was absolutely the right choice and the best decision I've made. very, very happy with it. But going through the process of getting a tattoo brought up a lot of things in my mind and I really wanted to share them with you. So.

Whether you're listening to this right now and you're covered in ink and you love them and you're thinking, gosh, come on, Harley, it's not that bad. Or maybe you're super proud of me for finally doing it. Maybe you're like me and have wanted one forever, but have never really made the jump. Or maybe tattoos just aren't your thing. And that is completely fine as well. This episode today, it's not so much about the tattoo itself. It's...

of about overcoming these beliefs that I had about myself from childhood.

And the reason why I wanted to share this on the podcast is because a lot of these beliefs I've been able to overcome because of kink, because of my submissive personality, because of the play that I've gotten up to on my kink journey.

So as much as it's about a tattoo, it is also very relevant to my kink journey and who I am as a king star.

before we jump into that story, I just wanted to give you a quick update. Last time, last episode, I mentioned that I was just restarting up my Somatica® sexology studies and I'm doing my advanced training as a sex coach. I have done module one and my gosh, I learned so much. I feel like this is one of those courses where you...

You go in and like over the last 12 months, I've been doing like learning so much and doing coaching and feeling like, think I might know some things and I've got this starting to build some confidence. and then by the end of this first module of the advanced training, I thought, my gosh, the more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. There's just so much to learn. but I also feel like that's a really positive thing because I'm seeing.

There's so much to improve on and you can't get better at stuff unless you know what you're missing. Right. So I can really see where I can improve my skills. And I feel like I know how I'm going to become a better coach, but it's just going to take some time and some practice and also lots of hard work. But I'm excited for it. I'm really excited for it.

I really feel like this is my calling. And I'm so grateful to have found that I'm just a little bit impatient that I'm not as good at it as I want to be like immediately. It's going to take some time to really master these skills, but that's why I am charging a discount rate at the moment. So if you want to work with me at my student rate, please head over to my website, HarleyRabbit.com and book a connection call with me.

That's free. We can have a little chat and see if I can support you in your journey.

The other bit of news I had, which is really good news, I mentioned to you that I was having some issues with Stripe, with processing payments online, being in the industry that I'm in. And that looks like it's okay. I've won my appeal and my account is all, the warnings have been lifted.

They didn't really send me an email being like, congratulations, your appeal has been approved. They just didn't say anything. They just lifted the, the flag on my account, I guess. So I'm assuming everything's fine because it's all working. so that's a really big win. It's been such a journey through, I mean, it hasn't just been Stripe, but,

I've been having a lot of trouble with, just being in this industry and what it's like, to be in this industry online. people reckon it's easy to make money out of sex online. And it is not, the world is not set up for adult content. even if it's educational, there's a lot of censorship and a lot of,

companies don't want to deal with you because as soon as they know it's related to sex, they are just like, no, no, thank you. So challenging. That's been really challenging. few of you have been asking me if I will get back into camming because that was the other thing that got shut down I haven't been able to access any of the money that I've made from camming.

I might, I'm actually like, I'm realizing that I miss it so much. I thought that it was just like an extra way to make some cash. and that I really enjoyed it, but I haven't done it for a few months now and I'm noticing. I just miss it. I want to get back in front of the camera. want to be my flirty, sexy self and chat to all you wonderful people. in that live kind of setting is just something that I can't do anywhere else.

So I'm hoping the plan is to actually set aside maybe a couple of days to really work out if there's a way around this problem so that I can actually get paid for the camming work I do. Essentially, it's like the problem is that I'm in Australia. I can't like the money gets transferred from Chaturbate into another company that's kind of like a bank. You can't use a regular bank because of sex industry reasons.

So have to go through a third party. So my money went to them and then they can't transfer that to me Australia, which is bullshit because they said that they could. And then they got my money and then went, no, we're having technical difficulties. And when you do some digging online, I realized that these technical difficulties have been going on for at least a year. So anyway, I might do a podcast episode on that and what I find.

And hopefully I can figure out a way to make it work. I can get back in front of the camera and express that side of me. Cause yeah, I fucking miss it so much. All right. That's my life update. Let's jump into today's episode.

So tattoos. my God. My best friend, Jess, she lives in a different state to me. We've been best friends since like,

primary school. And we talk every day via text message and we call every week and it's just beautiful to have this wonderful friend to have been able to maintain that closeness in our friendship despite the fact that we live in like a long way from each other now. But she came up to visit me this week, which was amazing. hadn't seen her in two years. And it was her idea that she wanted to get a tattoo.

while she was visiting me and she asked me if I wanted to get one with her. And I absolutely did. But it's taken me, I'm 33 now, and so it's taken me 33 years to make this happen. And a big part of the reason for that is that I struggle to commit to anything. the permanency of a tattoo just feels a lot of pressure. And I just...

couldn't get out of my head the idea that this is something, like what if this is something I regret? You know, what if I don't decide I don't like this in 20 years time? But I've put a lot of thought into this and realized that it's not about that. Like I don't, I will never be able to get a tattoo if that's the way I look at it, because I can never know the future and who I will be in the future. But I kind of had it reframed.

to me, weirdly from talking to chat GPT so good to like bounce ideas off chat. GPT. so I was telling it like, these are the feelings that I'm having and just getting some feedback from it. And it pointed out to me that, tattoos are more about celebrating a moment in your life. It's like a little, milestone or token or celebration of.

just who you were in that moment. And that felt like a lot less pressure to me.

You know, this isn't something that has to signify who I am for the rest of my life, but it is a way of capturing something that's precious to me right now. the memory of that, and kind of also like, if you think about it being about the memory, it doesn't really matter what the tattoo is, right? So for me, this was about going to get a tattoo with my best friend, kind of celebrating our friendship.

through all of these years.

So that is the first reason why it's taken me this long to get a tattoo. The second reason is the one I want to focus on today. And that is I never believed that I had it in me. I didn't believe I was tough enough because everybody talks about how painful they are. You know, it's big scary needles and it takes hours and you've got to be really tough to get a tattoo. And...

Until the last few years, since I've discovered knk, then, I firmly believed that I was a complete wuss, especially when it comes to pain. And this comes from my childhood. I had, I received a lot of messages in my childhood that I was a wuss. That was often what I was called. I was called too sensitive.

that I was a frady cat, I was a chicken, I was a wuss. And as harmless as that might've seemed at the time, I really internalized that about myself. And I've always believed that I'm a wuss my whole life, regardless of how much proof there is that I'm not. and in all fairness, like I was a very anxious child.

I was a very sensitive child and I would have big feelings as a little kid. I'm still that as an adult. I still have very like high sensitivity, high empathy. I worry about the world. I worry about other people. I feel other people's feelings. I'm a real empath. And you know what the greatest thing about that is? I've just...

I finally found a career that means that that is like my superpower. My empathy and my sensitivity to emotion actually makes me an amazing coach. So I'm really happy about this side of me, even though I felt like I was taught that that was like a flaw or a weakness growing up. I actually think it's a strength because it means I have.

A really, a lot of emotional intelligence and a lot of self-awareness. And that has really become a massive strength as an adult. don't often get a lot of education into how to handle our emotions. And a lot of us just bury them and avoid them and never really address them. And that causes a lot of problems. So I I've learned how to own my shit because of how sensitive I am. And I think that's something to be proud of.

And if you're, if this is resonating with you, I am speaking to you right now. Be fucking proud of it. If you're, if you're a empathetic human, then own that. It's a beautiful thing.

But yes, I did struggle with anxiety as a kid. remember I watched the show Walking with Dinosaurs. That was like a big documentary about dinosaurs that was popular when I was young. I love dinosaurs. But since I watched that show and learned that an asteroid could suddenly wipe out the all life on earth.

I was terrified of that. And I remember being in my bedroom as a kid, freaking out with all my plushies every time an aeroplane would go over the house. I, it sounded like, I don't think it, I don't actually think an asteroid sounds like an aeroplane. but in my head as a child, I could hear something in the sky and it sounded really scary. And I was terrified. I was terrified of a lot of things. I remember my mom was always like,

my God, you're so, you think about things so deeply. You don't need to worry about that. And I would worry. I would worry. That's just who I am. Ever since I was very little, I'm a worrier. you know, anxiety has been a big challenge for me as a teenager and as an adult. And it's something I work through each day.

But something that I've learned about anxiety is that it's not, if you're an anxious person, that doesn't make you weak. It's kind of the opposite really. If you have anxiety and you still show up for your life in whatever capacity you can, that's fucking brave. Cause you're feeling your feelings and you're still pushing through anyway. And that I think has actually made me quite a resilient.

And we don't often give ourselves enough credit when we're anxious little humans, because we just think of ourselves as very fragile. But that's not true.

So bringing this back to the tattoo stuff, I didn't think that I had it in me to get a tattoo and that was kind of echoed throughout the people who know me. They were like, you're not going to get a tattoo. You're not the type of person that would get a tattoo.

I think in particular, I did have a very severe needle phobia when I was a kid. I still don't love them. But I'm a lot better with them now. But I did have a very like intense phobia of them. So I think a lot of people were just like, tattoos are needles. There's no way that she'll get one. Weirdly though, tattoos don't feel anything like a needle to me. Like in terms of like a

a medical needle. but on that note, and I have talked about this on the podcast, I think before, a while ago, but my needle phobia, I actually made a lot of progress with that in kink because I have some friends who live locally who are really into needle play.

And I've had the opportunity to be invited to needle play parties. although I haven't engaged in it myself, just watching these Kingsters get stabbed with needles and see them in this like,

It's such a different context. So for me, getting a needle has always been like this thing where I feel like I, like as a kid, I felt like I had to, I had no power, no say. It's like, all right, it's vaccination day. You're going to get your immunization. And I just had to front up and put on a brave face and don't cry because the other kids will make fun of you. Even though I've been freaking out about this since, you know, for weeks since I got the note and just hold it all in and just front up and they got this crazy like

this stranger is going to stab me with this giant needle and like, of course I was terrified of that. took me a long time to get over that. But seeing a needle, like needle play in a, in a kink context and seeing my friends enjoy it and have agency, like they're choosing to have them stabbed into their body and they love that feeling. And it's all so.

consensual and empowered and they're getting like endorphin rush from it. And I just thought, wow, this is something I never had seen needles in that light. So it really showed me the, it's not so much the needle itself, it's the, the context we put on it, the perspective that we have when we're looking at that thing. So that helped me.

really realize that needles themselves aren't that scary. It was more the context of the situation of being a very powerless young child and not understanding why I had to have this happen and not having anyone honestly let me feel how I felt. I felt like I just had to hold all of those emotions in which is really, really tough.

Yeah. And kids are awful if you cry. So talk about being called a wuss. Like I was the biggest wuss because I freaked out and ran away on needle day at school. it was just so embarrassing. So those messages got internalized of I am a total wuss. I'm a chicken. I can't handle pain. Everybody else can front up and it's not a big deal for them, but it is for me. Like, what does that mean? That's the self-talk.

that has stayed with me from those experiences.

cut to the last few years when I found kink and I found things like impact play and pain play. And I've told you guys before, when I first started this kink journey, when I met Slade, I said I wasn't into pain. And then a weeks later, he's hitting me as hard as he can with his belt and I'm asking for more. And there is nothing more empowering

than that feeling of realizing how fucking tough you are and resilient you are. That I was looking at this grown man swinging as hard as he could with this belt and I'm feeling that pain and going, is that all you got? I can take more.

Like that, for someone who identifies as that terrified little child that ran away from needle day to, holy shit, this fucking hurts, but I can take it. I'm not afraid of this pain. I'm not afraid of this pain. I can handle it. That taught me a lot about myself. That was like really the first time I realized I might be wrong about this. I might be wrong about myself, that I'm this total wuss. Turns out...

I'm into it, turns out. I'm tougher than I think. And of course I'm just talking about this, I'm talking about pain here, but this relates to a lot of different areas of life. I've been through some shit and I'm sure you have as well. We don't give ourselves enough credit for the challenges that we've overcome. A lot of the time we just take it for granted and just go, yeah, well, of course I had to deal with it. It's life. And you move on. But.

we're, fucking brave humans, you know, we, go through incredibly challenging circumstances and we're still here and that takes courage. All right.

Now I would like to point out, because I always like to talk about this on the show, the difference between being a powerless young child getting forced to have a immunization when she doesn't understand why, that is very different from being an adult in a safe space who has consented to this type of play and knows that she can say stop at any point and that that will be okay.

So a big part of my fear when I was young is that when I did run away from Needle Day, I got in a lot of trouble. And that made me feel like it wasn't okay to say no, you just had to be brave and go through with it, even though you absolutely didn't want to. So that took a lot of unlearning as well. And as an adult and playing in the kink space, it's really taught me

that I get a say in what happens to me. And that's okay. In fact, that's necessary. That's, that's what it's about. I get to choose what I want and I get to choose when it stops. And that is my right. And there is no shame in calling, calling a red or yellow whenever you need to. Some, some days I'm up for really rough play and I can take heaps. Other days I'm just not up for it. And that is completely fine.

And I feel really confident in being able to say that most of the time. There's definitely exceptions. but most of the time when I'm, when I'm playing with partners that I really trust, I feel really confident to assert my boundaries. I know that they're going to be respected. And when you know that, when you're in charge of what happens to you, when you have agency, suddenly the pain changes. It's different. So pain is.

It's created in the brain. Obviously it comes from your nerves and your body, those signals, but that it actually gets translated in the brain and the brain decides how painful or how sensitive those nerves are based on how big it thinks the danger is. so if you, what's a good example.

So, all right. I'll use a personal example. I have struggled with chronic migraine. this is my migraine journey has taught me a lot about pain alongside my kink journey. but without going into it in too much detail, essentially when, when I first started getting migraines, they were the worst pain in the world. And I.

went to a doctor who referred me to a neurologist and then there was a wait list and there was the possibility of like, what if it's a brain tumor? you know, you, you, from the time you like start having this incredible pain to the time you actually get the scans, there's like a long, I think it was like three months or something. the wait. And while my brain knew that there was, that this pain was potentially life threatening, it was

intense. It was so severe. And the more I thought about it, the more I stressed about the fact that, my God, what is happening in my brain? this like, how serious is this? And that's, that's because my brain is taking these signals and interpreting them as extremely dangerous. So it's cranking up the sensitivity and making them really, really intense. That's, that's how it works.

Eventually, once I got all the scans done and you know, this took quite a, it was quite a process. spoke to various neurologists and, learned that, okay, there's nothing structurally wrong in my brain. Don't have a tumor. Still have this terrifying pain though. and honestly, this took quite a few years, to get through, but eventually I got to a place where, you know, I still get migraines, but when they happen.

I can usually assure myself, okay, it's just a migraine. I've been through them plenty of times. I know it's not, it's not a tumor. The pain isn't dangerous. It can't hurt me. And it's going to pass. And if that's the way I'm thinking about the pain, my brain gives it that context. And the sensitivity to that pain goes down because my brain isn't

is no longer seeing it as so dangerous. It's not such a big threat. And, you know, touch wood, since I've learned about this, it's called neuroplastic pain. Really interesting field if you have chronic pain and need to manage it. There's an amazing book by Alan Grant, I think it is. Wait, wait, that might be the guy from Jurassic Park. Hang on. I'm going to have to

fact check myself.

Alan Gordon, not Alan Grant. Alan Gordon wrote a book called The Way Out, which really, really helped me with my chronic pain management. There's a lot of really good books about it, but his is quite recent and really, really helpful. Anyway, I'm kind of getting off track, but my point is the way you interpret pain is going to affect the severity of it or the way it feels in the body.

So something like having to get a needle as a kid when you don't have any say over it, that's going to hurt and be really scary and traumatic. But getting a needle as part of a kink scene or acupuncture or whatever that you have consented to and you have agency over, suddenly it's just a little prick.

or even that pain can feel really good. So this is where pain starts to get really interesting. And of course, impact play is a really obvious example of this as well, where if someone like even, I'll use Slade as an example. Sometimes he'll give me a big spank on the butt when I'm not expecting it. And I'll be like, fucking hell, that really hurt. Like you snuck up on me. I wasn't ready for it. and it stings a lot.

But he can hit me way harder than that during an impact play scene where I'm in the right head space and he's warmed me up properly and I'm like really ready for those sensations. Suddenly he can hit me real hard and I, it just feels great. So pain can be interpreted really differently depending on the context of how it's happening.

So armed with this knowledge about pain and the fact that I maybe am not a total wuss and can handle a lot of pain when it's consensual, I thought, you know what? I think I can get a tattoo. I think I can do it. I think I'm tough enough for that. So I booked it in, well, my friend booked it in for me and we went and got them yesterday. And of course I was nervous because there's this whole fear of the unknown. What if...

like, what is this going to feel like? What if I can't handle it? anyway, I decided to go first, which is unlike me. Normally I want to get all the information I can before I go through with something. so I thought, I thought I would want to see my friend get hers done first, but I was like, no, I don't want to chicken out. Let's do it. I'm feeling confident. And that shows me that I had some real confidence that I was confident enough to go first, to volunteer.

and I'm laying on the table. he put the stencil on and we checked it was all good. And I'm laying on the table and you can hear him like getting the gun ready. Do you call it a gun? The needle thing? The tattoo gun. Yeah, it is a gun. Okay. So he's getting that ready and it makes this like quite, I don't know.

It's a scary sound. It's kind of like a dental drill or something. You're like, that sounds painful.

And there was this moment where, like I'm laying there and he's holding the gun about to start and he goes, are you ready? And I go, yep. And in that moment I'm like, what the fuck is this going to feel like? And then he started. I was like, God, is that it? It felt like nothing. I couldn't believe that there was so much.

hype about how intense this pain was going to be. And it was just like, it felt like someone like dragging a, like a pointy compass needle over my skin or something. It's like a little bit stingy, but I just laughed. I was like, wow, that is not what I expected. so the initial, just getting over that, like fear of the unknown was really great. But.

As, like, I have to be honest with you guys, because this podcast is all about honesty. And as much as I want to make myself out to be super awesome, that's not, well, I was going to say that's not the whole truth, but it is the whole truth. I am fucking awesome. But as he progressed, it did, like, after a while start to get a bit more painful. Initially, he started shading and...

My friend joked to me before we started, she's like, don't moan. And I was like, okay, lol, you know? But my God, when he started shading, it was like this slow drag across as he was filling it in and it did hurt, like a deep hurt, like a deep burny kind of feeling. And I was like, fuck, like yeah. That reminds me of like a kink play, kinky play. I was like, I had to keep my mouth shut.

and it was kind of funny because I think the way I've learned to deal with pain is like in this context, at least I was like, all right, put it in my kink space. Imagine this as a Dom doing this to me and it's pain play and it's like, okay. That starts to feel really hot. That's that feels really good. but I couldn't go too far into that because it's like not appropriate. So I had to kind of stay a little bit out of my subspace, but, it was kind of dancing along the edge.

But eventually I think I, I did honestly have a lot of adrenaline going into this because I was not sure what was going to happen. I was nervous. And as much as I was in my brain, my thoughts were like, yes, I'm so excited about this. I'm finally, this is finally happening. And while he was needling me, needling, tattooing me, my body was really relaxed.

My breathing was really deep and calm. I actually went really quiet. I posted footage of this on my Instagram, if you want to see, but I just went really quiet and yum. But I also noticed my hands were starting to cramp and get really cold and clammy. And that's usually an indication that I'm quite stressed, but I mightn't have realized it yet. It happens to me when I have medical procedures done, get

intense hand cramps and that my hands get like fridge cold. So even though all my posture and my body language was very calm and my thoughts were very calm, there was still obviously a lot of adrenaline in my system that was freaking out about this, understandably. And I know that with needles, I can be a bit of a fainter. So I was worried that I might faint.

And then that made it worse. I was like, no, what if that happens? That would be really bad. So I started stressing about that. And yeah, I did mention to the tattoo artists, like I am feeling a bit faint. I think I'm okay, but yeah. And then from there, he was like, all right, let's get this done quickly then. But quickly means roughly, like, and then it started to hurt a lot, which was fine. I could take it, but it stopped being like,

fun, sexy pain and started being, ouch, okay, this is a bit painful. But you know what? I could breathe through it. I could take it. And I got a tattoo. I got to the end of it and felt really proud of myself. The whole time my self-talk was like, I'm so proud of you. I was kind of imagining Slade being like my, giving me praise kink, like.

being that like super praising daddy Dom, Slade wasn't there, but I kind of imagined him being like what he would say, which would be like, you're so brave, I'm so proud of you baby girl. And that was filling me with confidence and joy. Yeah, I was super fucking proud of myself. I know it's just a little tattoo, but it was a big deal for me. And that's kind of my story. I...

Already, cause I've been wanting a tattoo for my whole life. have a million more that I want to get. So we'll see how long it takes me to get the next one. But this was a big step forward to me, for me, and I credit knk for that. Like for a lot of that, my knk journey, what I've learned about myself and my strength and my resilience, my ability to handle pain. What I've learned.

about that through knk, it's given me the courage to take on things in my vanilla life that I would have previously thought I couldn't do. And how fucking cool is that? So cool. So as much as I credit kink, I also credit my friend Jess, just to shout out to her because she was...

Kind of the one person who a hundred percent without a shadow of a doubt believed that I would be fine. She was just like, she had, she's got quite a few tats. She's like, you'll be fine. Slades, Spanx hurt more than a tattoo, so you'll be fine. I know what you can take. I was like, are you sure? She's like, mm-hmm, no problem. Like totally unshakable confidence in me, which I don't think I've ever really felt that before from someone. So.

I just wanted to really give her a shout out and thank her for giving me lot of courage and believing in me so

So thank you, Cookie. So yeah, that's pretty much the story. If you want to see the tattoo, there's photos of it on Instagram and I'll put one on Fet as well, I'm sure. I'm sure it'll feature in lots of my upcoming photos when I do photo shoots, because I'm super proud of it. Obviously Harley Quinn, like the Harley diamonds means a lot to me personally.

Personally, like in my vanilla life and also in my kink journey, Harley and the Joker, their dynamic in the comics was like my first introduction to like a sadomasochistic relationship. And it really turned me on and I found it very sexy. I went in, I got really into comics and then

When I figured out I was kinky, I understood why I was into comics so much. I was like, okay. I get why I like that. Anyway, that's another story. But I guess the takeaway from this episode that I just wanted to share was that while we really internalize some bullshit about ourselves when we're kids, we let our parents, teachers, friends, family...

Tell us who we are. Or tell us we are less than who we are, really. Like, what do they know? You're a child at the time. You don't know who you are or what you're capable of yet. You're just a kid. But sadly, we carry those beliefs with us into adulthood. And they're really hard to get rid of.

It's really hard to overcome that, even though there's heaps of evidence to show, to the contrary of what we believe about ourselves, whether that's that we are a wuss or whether we're, not good enough or whether we're not attractive enough or, we're not smart enough or whatever it was that you were told as a kid. it's probably not true, but even though.

You might know that it's hard to shake those beliefs. and it's a bit of a journey, but we've got to keep, keep trying and keep proving to ourselves that we're not what people say we are. especially what we were told when we were children. you know, I used to think I was a, a wussy, ugly, freckly, fat loser as a

as I, in primary school and in high school. And there's still part of me that believes those things, even though I have, I can look at these very sexy photos of myself and get lots of messages from people telling me I'm beautiful and that they love my confidence and that I'm sexy. And there's heaps of evidence, even like my sexual partners with rock hard dicks for me being like, fuck girl, you're hot.

it's hard to those initial beliefs that we're ugly or we're not good enough. so just be kind, be kind to yourself, be gentle with yourself. Keep proving those beliefs wrong, whatever they might be. I really think that kink is a beautiful way that we get to do that, you know?

We get to show how tough we are. get to show how sexy we are. We get to prove our own resilience. We get to assert our boundaries. We get to learn what agency is. All of these are very important life lessons.

Even in my, like, C &C play, being allowed to be emotional and cry during sex and still be wanted is like mind-blowingly good for me because my whole life as a kid, I was told I was too sensitive and that no one wanted to see my emotions. And no one would want me if I cried. And that was weak. But in a C &C scene...

I get to cry and fight and be messy and emotional and I'm still absolutely desirable. And that is wonderful. It's a wonderful healing part of my journey. I feel like I could do a whole episode on that alone, so maybe I will in the future. but yeah, for now I'll let that, I'll leave that there. hopefully parts of this, this episode resonated with you.

and wherever you are on your journey and however you think about yourself. I hope that kink might be a way to explore your strengths and your resilience and your sexiness. All right. Thank you so much for listening, friends. I will catch you next time. Till then, play safe, have fun, and I will catch you soon.