Turns Out... I'm Into It!

#75: Santa's Little Helpers: Naughty Sex Toy Secrets Revealed - with Wendy Setless

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It’s time to add a little extra joy to your holiday season! In this special Christmas episode, I’m joined by the fabulous Wendy Setless, a Somatica-trained sexual health, pleasure, and relationship coach, and the resident sexologist at her local adult store.

Wendy brings her infectious enthusiasm and deep knowledge to help us navigate the world of adult toys—from vibrators and strokers to kegel balls and vibrating cock rings. Whether you’re looking to explore solo or spice things up with a partner, Wendy shares practical advice for finding the perfect “hardware” and discovering what makes your body tick.

This episode is packed with laughs, insights, and encouragement to embrace pleasure, own your desires, and have a very merry holiday season!

A video version of this episode is available on our Youtube channel. 

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Harley (00:14)
Hey, hey friends, it is Harley Rabbit here. Welcome back to another episode of Turns Adam Into It, the show all about helping you discover your kinky self and live your best sex life. Today I am joined by the lovely Wendy Setliss.

Wendy is a Somatica trained sexual health pleasure and relationship coach. She brings a wealth of knowledge and experience with a background in healthcare and patient education. And she's also the resident sexologist at her local adult store and is deeply passionate about educating individuals and couples on how to have better, more fulfilling sex. That's what we're all about on this podcast. So.

Since it is almost Christmas time, let's not forget that adults love toys too. So that is why I've invited Wendy on the show today. We are doing a little bit of a Christmas special talking about adult toys. So Wendy is a big fan of sex toys and loves helping people explore and connect through them. I thought talking about toys would be the perfect way to add a little bit more joy into our Christmas holidays this year. So.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (01:26)
love it.

Harley (01:26)
Wendy, welcome to the show, Wendy. It's so good to have you on. Hello. I just love your accent. I know to you, I have the accent, but anytime I have Americans on the show, I'm like, you have the TV accent. Like they're the accents I hear in all the TV shows.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (01:29)
Thank you! Hello, beautiful!

Well, and you can definitely tell I'm from the southeast, born and bred without a doubt, but I will take my seashore over the mountains any day, any time.

Harley (01:48)
Yes.

Anytime. Yep. Well, we've got lots to talk about today. So I thought before we jump into the toy stuff, I wanted to ask you a little bit about you and your journey. So you've, you had a career in healthcare and now you're doing sexology. So tell me about what inspired that transition.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (02:19)
So I did 20 years, little over 20 years of nutrition specialized in geriatrics. So definitely a long difference from what I'm doing now. Yes, I loved my little old people, but I just got burned out. I'll be honest. It's, you know, after you lose a hundred or so of your...

Harley (02:31)
Very, yeah.

yeah, yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (02:46)
Hate to call them patients. So I still like to them clients. it gets hard on the had left health care was driving my husband crazy with home projects He said you've got to get out of this house and do something I said fine. I'm going to work at the sex

Harley (02:49)
Yeah. Yeah.

Ha ha!

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (03:07)
And of course he went, well, that's appropriate.

Harley (03:11)
really? He knows you well then. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (03:13)
Absolutely! And here we are all these years later from being just a smart ass to him to finding like this heart and soul passion.

Harley (03:30)
That's beautiful. Wow. So yeah, you obviously had an interest in the, in the sex store. And that sounds like that, that job has really helped you discover this passion of yours.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (03:42)
Absolutely. So if I was an artist I could draw this woman's face that led me down this path. Do not remember her name by any means but the picture of her in my mind is as crystal clear as a mirror. I was working in the sex store and

Harley (03:58)
Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (04:12)
Had a couple come in, married 16 years. It was a Saturday night. They were going out to dinner to celebrate. They came in for just a panty vibe. I was going through all the aspects of panty vibes and got to the ones that are clitoral stimulation. And she said to me, I don't have one of those. And I kinda...

Harley (04:33)
Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (04:39)
you ever have that time where in your mind you're like check your face, check your face, check your face? That was one of those for me. And I said, did you have surgery? Because of course, labia mutilation is coming to mind and et cetera. And she said, no, you're asking me if I ever got pierced? Again, the little voice in my head of check your face, check your face.

Harley (04:42)
Yup.

Mm.

Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (05:09)
So we just kind of went on, a day went by, I was still thinking about this middle-aged woman who had had three children.

Didn't know what a clit was.

Harley (05:21)
Wow, yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (05:23)
And here we went a week later. I was still thinking about her. Like two months later, I finally sat down and had the conversation with myself that you've got to make a difference. There's too many people out there that don't know their own anatomy. They're allowing someone else inside of their body or

Harley (05:38)
Mmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (05:50)
taking that portion of their body, but they don't know their body. And it led me to Somatica and Somatica Institute and I had this, you know, great flexibility that I could take this love of adult novelties and all the phenomenal relationship and sex education from Somatica Institute and I got to combine them together.

Harley (05:57)
Yeah.

Yeah, that's a powerful combination. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (06:18)
yes, and again, I found that true love.

Harley (06:27)
that's beautiful. So it sounds like you want to just sell people toys. You wanted to actually educate them about their own body and you know, there's realizing that there's so much to unlock there when people. Right.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (06:40)
absolutely absolutely and there are so many great references out there for adult sex education but I feel like people are a little embarrassed to go find it and that's a shame vulva owners are not taking a mirror and looking at themselves

Harley (06:52)
yeah.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (07:04)
which again is what led me down the adult novelty road, was what better way to figure out what you like and be able to tell your partner that you like than through a toy.

Harley (07:09)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (07:22)
and experiencing that yourself, figuring out what you like and what turns you on.

Harley (07:27)
Right, so.

So you're saying that toys are actually a really good way to help us explore our own bodies and figure out what we like. And then from there, can like, you kind of, that's the first step. have to figure out what you like before you can actually tell your partner what works for you. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (07:47)
Absolutely, absolutely and in my opinion it's something that you've got to try a couple of times Forgive me. How did you know you didn't like Brussels sprouts until you tried them a couple of times? Or or that you did like them until you tried it a couple of times every vulva owner deserves to have fucking phenomenal orgasms

Harley (07:59)
Right.

Hell yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (08:13)
Every penis owner deserves to have fucking phenomenal orgasms. And what better way to find out what does it for you than through a toy?

Harley (08:25)
Mm-hmm.

So what kind of toys would you suggest people start with? Cause there is, as you alluded to before, there's a lot of shame and embarrassment and just awkwardness around buying sex toys. know when I first walked into an adult store, many years ago now, I've come a long way, but I was overwhelmed by just all of these different options. And I felt awkward about looking at things for too long because I didn't know like

what this even was that I was looking at. So, yeah, I'd love to get your advice on where people can start if they are feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (09:09)
So, sex is a part of our life. Period. Some people choose to do it, some people choose not to do it. Everyone's way of doing it is their way. There's no wrong way. And think about the adult novelty store, the sex shop, as a hardware store.

if you need new screws for your electric outlet, you know, for the, should say for the electric outlet cover.

Harley (09:45)
Mm-hmm.

You just go and get new screws. Right. Yup.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (09:47)
And if you go get new screws, exactly. You know, if you want to build a new porch on the back of your home, you go to the lumber yard, you go to the hardware store, you get the supplies needed. Think of the sex shop as the exact same thing. And I promise they are not that scary, dingy place that everyone has in their mind from the 70s.

Harley (10:15)
Right.

That's very true, there is a stereotype isn't there?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (10:22)
Absolutely. But they're education centers. All of the staff that are there, they've all heard worse than what you're going to say to them. But they've all been educated on the quote hardware that's there. So go to the professionals and ask them. Listen.

Harley (10:24)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (10:52)
When you work in a sex shop, we all know what you want the end result to be. That's, we get it. We all want the end result to be there, okay? We just need to know how do you want to get from where you're at now to that end result?

Harley (10:59)
Yep. Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (11:13)
you figure out all the, and I'm gonna call it points of contact between there. I do realize going into a sex shop for the first time is very...

anxiety inducing and especially if you're a shy person by nature.

Harley (11:27)
Yeah. Yeah. Even if you're not, like, as I said, I still remember the first few times I went into sex stores and I've always been quite sex positive, but it's, it's scary. Like it's intimidating when you just don't have much practice at having these conversations in your day to day life. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (11:46)
Right, right. But like I said, remember, they're experts in what they're selling, in their hardware, in their sales. And you know, if you're brand new to sex toys, I always suggest start small. Don't worry about all the bells and whistles. Let's go with the basics. And what I mean by the basics are

Harley (11:52)
Right.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (12:15)
traditional bullet vibrators. You can never pass up a good bullet vibrator, okay? And that's if you're a vulva owner or if you're a penis owner because there are so many different things you can do with it.

Harley (12:19)
Hell yes.

Mm-hmm. Old faithful.

wow. I've not really experimented with them with like, I mean, I don't have a penis, but like, I haven't played with my partners with a vibrator before. Is that something that you'd suggest doing?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (12:48)
absolutely, remember any toy you buy has multiple uses. Just because something is labeled as vaginal penetration we're gonna use. Now, it needs to have a flared base to be anal penetration. As a PSA,

Harley (12:52)
Yeah. Right.

yeah, you don't want to lose it in there. I assume that's what the flared bass is for.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (13:14)
Do not put anything in your ass that does not have a flared face. Twice the size, at least, of what it is. If so, your embarrassment will not stop at the toy store. It will stop with the surgeon. There's my PSA.

Harley (13:28)
Yeah. That's some solid advice right there.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (13:35)
It is Christmas time. It is Hanukkah time. No Christmas trees, no ornaments. We get the just. Okay? Go to the sex shop. But your traditional bullet vibrator, not only can it be used on the vulva owners, plethora, on the labia, in the vagina, but also on the nipples. How about

Harley (13:46)
You

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (14:02)
putting it underneath the chin for a blowjob. It can be used on the tip of the penis around the corona gland. Even one best get is putting it right between the balls for that internal vibration for your penis owner. So every day

Harley (14:25)
Yeah. Wow. lots of, lots of things to explore. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (14:29)
Yes, all kinds of options. Yes. But I never want anybody... Okay, listen, y'all. I'm cheap and I fully admit it. And the toy's gotta do more than one thing for me, okay? I want my money's worth. So get creative. But again, go with the basics. Traditional bullet vibrators.

Harley (14:45)
Right.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (14:56)
traditional vibrators, traditional wines.

Harley (15:03)
What's the difference between a wand and a vibrator?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (15:06)
Absolutely great question. So a traditional vibrator is going to be somewhat of a straighter apparatus. It may be flaccid shaped, it may just be, I'm gonna call it marker shaped, just straight and round.

Harley (15:17)
Okay.

Okay, yep.

For those who are listening to the podcast, we will be releasing a video version of this on YouTube, so if you'd like to see some visuals to accompany this, that's definitely an option. But we'll do our best to explain what we're looking at in words as well.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (15:35)
Yes.

And I will say PSA to the YouTube Viewers, I don't get paid by any of these manufacturers So this is 100 % my opinion and just good quality shit bottom line But a vibrator is gonna be straight. It's going to exactly that it's gonna either have a bass or a treble vibration

Harley (15:57)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (16:11)
A bass vibration is that good deep rumble that you feel in your molars that you can feel in your jaw. yes! And a treble vibration is going to be almost that topical, I don't really want to say tickle, but that topical tingle. So both of them have their

Harley (16:16)
Mmm.

I love that, yeah.

Mmm.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (16:41)
place in being sexy and starting a mood and creating a mood and continuing the mood. Where a wand is always going to have a bell-shaped head of some sort. These are your traditional quote massagers. Yes. that's a great way!

Harley (17:03)
Right. It kind of looks like a microphone to me as well. Yeah. Yeah. You can be a rock star and have an orgasm at the same time.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (17:09)
Yeah, okay. So if we have any, you know, microphone shaped or should I say any wand shaped microphones? That's on my Christmas list.

Harley (17:25)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (17:27)
But they're always yes gonna have a Ball sort of shape at the top with a handle. These are the traditional quote massagers that Your mom your grandma your aunt had in her bedside table And what's kind of funny is the retroplugged ones are coming back into style Yes, because when something is

Harley (17:35)
Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah?

really?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (17:57)
plugged in, it has so much more power than a rechargeable.

Harley (18:02)
Absolutely, yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (18:04)
I can tell your mind just went to 14 different places with that.

Harley (18:09)
You saw that look.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (18:12)
I could feel that look. Yes. Yes Same thing. They're gonna come in a treble or a bass type of vibration to Some of them like this Some manufacturers have a texture some will be smooth. That's all personal preference But these either one of them because again

Harley (18:17)
Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (18:40)
It can be used on the clitoris. It can be used on the vagina. If you're using a wand, it can be used on the outside of the anus. It can be used on even the shoulder blades. I know that may not sound sexy to some, but remember everyone's erotic zones are not the same as yours.

Harley (18:53)
Right.

Yeah.

Yeah. And I love that like embracing pleasure. Like a lot of the time we focus on the genitals for pleasure or the mouth or the nipples, but we have a whole body that can receive pleasure. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (19:20)
Exactly. Taking a wand and, you know, just slowly dragging it down your partner's arm and into the crease of the elbow and just that slow, methodical process, bringing it down, is doing a couple of things. Not only could it be hitting a new erogenous zone for them,

Harley (19:34)
Cool.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (19:49)
and getting them, I'm going to say, warmed up. but also it becomes almost like a massage at the same time because you're relaxed.

Harley (19:54)
He

Yeah. Even hearing you describe that, felt my body just relax then. Just thinking about a massage. That's what you do. You've got time. You've got sensation. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (20:05)
and

It's all about sensation. Toys are all about sensation. Sensation is you finding yourself and finding what works for you. think the, exactly, I think these basic toys are phenomenal for individuals to find out what their turn-ons are.

Harley (20:22)
Mmm.

Yeah, it's that exploration. Yeah. Yep.

Right.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (20:44)
and great introduction for couples to begin, that nasty c-word, communication.

Hey.

Harley (20:58)
Yeah, but I can see this as a communication tool. You're right. And even like nonverbal communication as well. Like I think it invites verbal communication, but there's also, I don't know, just it's an extra thing to communicate with, right? Like you can like grab if the partner's using a wand on you and you can like shift their hand a little bit, like up here. Like you don't have to say anything. It's just show me.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (21:01)
Absolutely, absolutely.

Absolutely.

beautiful form of communication, beautiful. It's also something that as an individual, once you figure out that this particular vibrator in XYZ area feels the best for you and makes you have a phenomenal orgasm or helps you build up to an orgasm. It's a great communication tool to take to your partner and say, hey,

Harley (21:27)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (21:54)
learned this about myself I would like for you to do it and so there's the word communication once you get to that point exactly like you're saying it's freaking phenomenal to just move their hand a little bit or even move their hand and turn it on to them

Harley (21:58)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (22:19)
What I mean by that is if your partner is running the vibrator down your arm and ask them, is it okay if I run it back up your chest? So it becomes a mutual give and take to kind of spice it up a bit.

Harley (22:36)
Yeah.

Yeah, that's very sexy. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (22:40)
Absolutely.

Harley (22:43)
Beautiful. I'm really curious about this, the bass and treble vibration. I've never heard that explained before. So is that like something that is in the settings or is that just a, like a type of toy? Like how do I go shopping for a bass vibrator or a treble vibrator? Can I switch between the two?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (23:03)
yes, fantastic. So majority of toys are either or. So that's one of the beautiful things about going into a brick and mortar toy shop is that they will have, forgive me, I have to kind of laugh when I say this, but they'll have samples. No, you cannot use those samples. No, you don't want to use those samples. Do y'all want to know how many dingy hands have touched those things?

Harley (23:09)
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Ew.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (23:33)
You you want to see how the motor is that's all you want to do with it. Okay, hold it your hand and Mm-hmm. Give it back. Make sure you use your Perel gel when you anyway

We'll get to cleaning this but This is great reason to go into the brick and mortars is because they do have the samples and you can feel the different manufacturers And they can point you to the different name brands that do have a Treble or a base or you could be holding one and be like this thing's a little too soft

Harley (23:48)
We'll get to cleaning later on. want to ask you about that.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (24:18)
for me. Well then, you know, you're probably holding a treble and you kind of need that bass. Or vice versa that you're holding one and like, I can feel this in my teeth. I don't really like it. Too much. Perfect. Let's go. Let's go to the treble. I do believe that everyone should have both in their arsenal.

Harley (24:30)
Right. Too much. Yeah.

I was going to say, think I won both.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (24:43)
you

Harley (24:43)
Cause I can, both of those can feel really good in the right spot, right?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (24:48)
in the right spot, the right time. Let's exactly, let's be honest, as vulva owners, our sensitivity changes with our cycle. And so there may be, I'm just gonna say a week in the month to where you need either a lighter touch or a more pressured touch. So having them both in your arsenal,

Harley (24:51)
Yeah, the right level of arousal. Yeah.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (25:16)
is always my recommendation. But you will know the difference because like I said again that your base motors are going to give you that deep thud. That there's no other way to, you feel it. Even holding it in your hand.

Harley (25:18)
Yep.

Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (25:43)
fill it in your jaw, you fill it in your joints, where that treble is going to give you that nice, ooh, ooh, ooh. Yes, buzzy is a beautiful way to describe it. And every manufacturer has their own, and some manufacturers do a little bit of both.

Harley (25:47)
Mmm.

Yeah, it's like a buzzy, like, yeah. Right.

Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (26:08)
So typically you don't find both a treble and a bass in one toy just because of the entire, not to get into the mechanical portion, but just because of the mechanical portion of what makes up the motor.

Harley (26:14)
Okay.

Right, so it is a different type of motor. Interesting. Well, you've definitely taught me something there.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (26:24)
Yes. Yes.

You'll never look at that bullet the same way. Now you're gonna be holding different bullets in your hand. Also, I would like to say this to you. I talk about toys are used for different things Do you know who we sell the majority of old-fashioned bullets to? Lactating mothers.

Harley (26:37)
I will.

Hey.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (26:57)
The treble vibration especially of small bullets activates the mammary glands.

Harley (27:07)
Where?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (27:09)
So that's they've actually become a higher sales market. Now do I want to meet who was the person that found that out? Yes I do.

Harley (27:15)
Wow, multi uses, I love it. Yeah.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (27:26)
I want to take her to lunch, okay?

Harley (27:29)
Yeah

Don't us all a service there

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (27:34)
Yes, thank you so very much. We appreciate you But also think about we're gonna go from boobs to feet now, but think about if your partner You know, they work on their feet all day long Maybe you're in heels all day. I Will suggest for you to have a special

bullet for this and not be using the same one but that's your own preference. We'll talk about cleaning in a minute. They're a great foot massager also.

Harley (28:04)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can definitely feel that with the, like a more, base year one too. Like I can imagine that feeling really good on you. like massaging my feet now. I didn't even realize I was doing it.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (28:19)
Yes.

Can?

Harley (28:25)
You

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (28:25)
How many of our listeners just like looked down at their feet and went hmm that sounds pretty good

Harley (28:28)
Mmm. Yo.

All right, so we've covered a lot about vibrators and wands and that was very, very interesting. There's certainly some of my favorite toys in my arsenal, especially if like, like, I know a lot of people feel shame about, like it's common for people to feel ashamed of needing a vibrator to reach orgasm, especially in partnered sex. But please do not, like it is.

It can make you have such better sex and really for both of you to enjoy yourself more. Like one of my favorite things is to be feeling my partner, like feeling his cock inside me and using a vibe on my clit. The stimulation from that is like, so yummy.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (29:15)
Absolutely. And then if you ask his point of view too, he's getting that what I like to call the echo effect of that vibration. And so it's doing the same thing for him that it's doing for you.

Harley (29:21)
Yes. Yes.

absolutely. So I wanted to ask you about for like for individual play, but also couples play. So obviously a vibrator is good for both of those categories. But is there anything else you would recommend first in the individuals, in the individuals category and then in the couples category?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (29:55)
So for individuals also, vulva owners don't be afraid of Kegel balls. We're told to do Kegel exercises all the time. And Kegel balls are phenomenal for strengthening the pelvic floor. You literally put it in just like a tampon. There are independent balls inside of them.

Harley (30:06)
All right, you're to have to show me.

wow.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (30:23)
If you have a single one, I don't know if we can hear this or not. Probably not. It kind of sounds like, you remember the little quarter? Toys used to get out of the vending machines.

Harley (30:40)
like the little pinball things or? Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (30:43)
Yes, yes, that's what they sound like on the inside.

Harley (30:48)
So they like tiny little ball bearings or something. Okay. So just to describe what I'm looking at here, there's like, you've got two options. You've got one that's like a single egg shape with a tail on it that I assume is so you can make sure it doesn't get lost in there. And the other one is like two eggs stacked on top of each other. And again, with the little handle to pull it out with.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (30:50)
Exactly,

retrieve it.

absolutely absolutely again they are so all of all of your toys now are gonna be made of a silicone combination and that is up to each manufacturer to what their rubber silicone plastic combination is that's that's above my mindset

Harley (31:15)
And they look like they're made of silicon. Is that right? Yep.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (31:39)
Sorry guys, I'm not a type A. I just...

Harley (31:41)
you

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (31:44)
outside of my wheelhouse. But yes, they're all going to be made of some form of silicone. So they've all got a little bit of rubbery give to them.

Harley (31:44)
That's enough information that you need to know there, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (31:57)
smooth unless they are do have a texture But yes, you're exactly right on kegel balls look like eggs They're always gonna have some sort of small or long cord just like a tampon does

Harley (32:16)
Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (32:18)
They do not vibrate. They, again, that little bearing ball on the inside just kind of rotates. So you wear these, you start out with about five minutes as you're just walking around your house. Work up to about 15 minutes. You can do this a couple times a day. Insert it, I don't care. Go wash dishes, go whatever you want to do. Walk around the house.

Harley (32:20)
Okay.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (32:47)
And because of the ball movement, it causes your body to automatically constrict your pelvic floor and helping with that building that muscle. And so this not only helps with our post-birth moms and keeping with urine leakage, our postmenopausal women keeping with their urine leakage.

Harley (33:09)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (33:16)
leakage but it also helps the stronger your pelvic floor the better your orgasms.

Harley (33:23)
okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (33:25)
So if there's no other, if you know, not tinkling on yourself is not a good enough reason, having fucking mind blowing orgasms is an even better reason. Always. So not to forget my penis owners here, but there's always cock rings that I suggest to penis owners individually. Now.

Harley (33:31)
Yeah.

That's always a good reason.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (33:55)
I know a lot are gonna think, a cock ring is made for me to be longer, stronger, harder when I'm with a partner. Nay, nay, my lovies. You can also in self-satisfaction use them. If you have a penis owner who is trying to, forgive me, I can't remember the term exactly, keep from early ejaculation.

Harley (34:07)
Mmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (34:25)
They can work with a cock ring on their balls or what's called a

Harley (34:34)
Gone.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (34:38)
ball stretcher, which is called a ball stretcher. And as they are masturbating, they can stop right before they feel the need to ejaculate. And that'll help them with their partner play.

Harley (34:42)
you

Right.

Interesting. does the ball stretcher go around like what part of the balls is that?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (35:03)
So a ball stretcher, it does go around just the sack, the ball sack, and it says stretcher, and that sounds really, really scary to a lot of people. It's not.

Harley (35:09)
Okay.

Yeah. Because I've heard that term, but I didn't think it was this.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (35:19)
No, no, no, it actually it is not what I what our YouTube viewers are saying No, but it does it goes on the scrotum around the scrotum around the scrotum only and The further you pull the ball sack away from the body it lowers its temperature For ejaculation

Harley (35:24)
okay.

Yep. Yep.

Mm.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (35:48)
Ejaculant has to be at or above body temperature. So when you pull it down, and we're talking about millimeters, millimeters, we are gonna pull down the ball side.

Harley (35:55)
wow.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (36:04)
to help keep from ejaculating quite so quickly. And that's enough. That's enough. You don't need, you know.

Harley (36:06)
Yeah, and that's enough to make a difference. Wow.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (36:14)
inches, yards, fill in the blank. You need hairs to go. Yes, yes. so that was a great one to bring up, but also cock rings that vibrate for masturbation. You've got some that the

Harley (36:16)
Right.

Wow.

Yes.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (36:41)
Vibration goes back toward the taint and you've got some that massage the prostate. Again, how are you gonna know what you get your kicks from if you're not experimenting with yourself?

Harley (36:52)
Wow, that's...

Yeah.

Yeah, again, that feels like there's so much sensation there to experiment with on the different parts of the body there.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (37:07)
Absolutely. then for couples, again, those things are great because if you figured out what they do for you individually and you're sharing that with your partner, is that C word again? It's some communication. But then also

Harley (37:20)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (37:32)
with couples with partner play, I always suggest multipurpose toys. What do I mean by multipurpose toys? Again, like we were talking about with the vibrator can be used on so many different parts of the body. It's not just meant for the clit. It's not just meant for the vagina. It's not just meant for fill in the blank. But you can also do

multifunctional toys that are like a vibrator and it could be an asymmetrical vibrator. Asymmetrical vibrators are used for the G-spot because actually instead of them going in and out you slowly twist them back and forth to rub across the G-spot.

Harley (38:22)
So just to describe the shape of this when you say asymmetrical, sort of looks like a... how do I describe that? It kind of looks like a fish to me.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (38:31)
that's good. Yeah, kind of like a fish. I was gonna say like a yellow squash almost. Where it's not really a full bulb like a wand would be.

Harley (38:33)
Yes

It's kind of got like a, I'll continue.

yeah, yep. Yes.

Like a wand.

Yeah, it's kind of got like, so one end of it is fatter than the other end, but it's very smooth in its transition and it comes down to its hip. Yeah. Maybe just Google it if you aren't getting a good enough description here. So there's asymmetrical vibrator. Is that the right term for it?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (38:53)
you

right right

There you go. It is, it's a little difficult to explain because it's kind of offset, offset asymmetrical. Yeah.

Harley (39:15)
Yeah

Yep. Offset. Yeah, that makes sense. So you're saying you can rotate it so that that, the point where it's the most fat is moving around. Yeah. Interesting.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (39:30)
is on the G spot, yes. And so it becomes like a teaser to the G spot instead of that direct stimulation to it. It's coaxing it.

Harley (39:37)
Yeah

we love coaxing.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (39:46)
yes, yes. And I want to remind everyone too, if it is a traditional vibrator, if it's a multi, don't forget the ends that have this little bit of a point are freaking phenomenal for clitoral stimulation, are phenomenal for nipple stimulation.

Harley (40:04)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like a real concentrated tip there. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (40:16)
exactly. With lube. With lube, y'all. With lube, lube, lube. Okay? We're never gonna talk about lube enough.

Harley (40:24)
Okay.

I'm going to make a note to make sure I do ask you about that.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (40:31)
But also with these offset asymmetrical ones they're great to put underneath the chin for oral stimulation or while giving oral Also in these multi Multi-use toys there we go They usually are bendable at the top like the horse the top looks like a horseshoe for lack of better terms

Harley (40:38)
Mmm.

Yeah, so it's got a very different end on it on the top. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (40:59)
Yeah, it is very flexible. The ends of the horseshoe have a little bit of a point. So this could be used for

Harley (41:02)
Yup.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (41:14)
absolutely, absolutely. But also I want to remind, remember anything you can put on a cock you can put on a dong and use it individually.

Harley (41:15)
Yeah, I was going to say you're definitely putting a cock in there, right?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (41:32)
day horseshoe shaped or multi-use ones can go on a penis could go on the dong If you put it on a penis it makes your penis owner your own vibrator

Harley (41:49)
nice. Yeah. I was thinking, cause it's, yeah, it's, it's transforming. Like if you've got a dildo or a dong, that's how to transform it into a vibrator. That's what I was thinking. But then thinking, you can, you can do this with a real cock as well. Perfect.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (41:51)
no other way to put it. You're welcome Volvo owners.

Yes, And these these multi-use ones also so the tips again can be used underneath the chin for oral they could be used on Nipples they could be used on any sensation point that is erotic for each individual for the partner These can be used internally vaginally internally still not recommended for anal

Harley (42:27)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (42:37)
We'll get there, I promise. But so many different uses. A matter of fact, this particular one is, I don't know, can I use the name brand? Okay, okay. So this particular one I have in my hand is by Svokum. That's S-V-O-C-K-U-M. We're gonna say y'all don't, okay, yeah.

Harley (42:41)
Makes a note.

Yeah. Yep.

Okay. I'll try and find it and I'll put a link in the show notes. actually I might try and do that for all the toys that you've shown us here. just so if people want to do extra research. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (43:07)
Perfect.

you were too good. You were too good. But there's other ones like these multi-use tools also.

Harley (43:21)
Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (43:21)
So these are great for couples though these multi-use. Also the go back to the individual but the vibrating cock rings are also fantastic for couples and partner play.

Harley (43:25)
Yeah.

That was, see, that's actually something that's been on my wishlist for a while of I really wanted to try some vibrating cock rings just because I'm one of those really lucky people that can orgasm from just penetration, but it's not common. I have to be in the exact right mood for it, for it to work that way. But, and as I said, I really like using my vibe while I'm having sex, but I'm wondering if using a vibrating cock ring might be able to.

do that job as well.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (44:06)
see, that was a beautiful communication time with your partner on that. But also, let me remind you as an individual, when you purchase the vibrating c**k ring, they are also great for self-pleasure and clitoral stimulation. It's just the cock ring portion becomes a great handle.

Harley (44:10)
Yeah.

yeah, yeah.

Yeah, actually it does.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (44:38)
You know, let's be honest Volvo owners every now and then things get a little bit wet and If we are using the right lube and we are creating lube sometimes a flat surface or a tubular surface

we lose at the most inappropriate time. Let's just be honest.

Harley (45:12)
So that cock ring you had there in your hands, has, so it's got the ring part that goes around the shaft and it's also got a...

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (45:22)
So a larger ring that would go around the caulk and the balls together. So you're gonna find larger rings that do encompass both the caulk and the balls together. They have them same as all the other toys and great stretchable silicone materials and great stretchable jelly type materials.

Harley (45:30)
I see.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (45:51)
And then for what I consider to be master expert level they have the metal ones Yes, yes, we just call that expert level, okay

Harley (45:59)
Metal ones. okay. Yeah, okay. We want to make sure that's the right fit, right? It's not a lot of give in metal.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (46:07)
Please, please don't start with those. Please don't.

Harley (46:13)
Yeah, actually that, that reminds me because, cock rings obviously are going around a sensitive area. is that something that you need to be really aware of when they're quite tight? Like what's the ideal fit for a cock ring? Should it be quite tight and restrictive? If it is, should we be worried about how long we're using it for? I don't want anything to go dropping off here.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (46:21)
Yes.

Fabulous question fabulous question. Yes, so you're gonna want it to be snug When it is especially a cock ring when it is snug It's gonna keep the blood more in to the penis for that longer stronger harder erection however, they should not be worn for more than 30 minutes and many many manufacturers suggest that

Harley (46:42)
Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (47:01)
you begin in five minute increments until you reach that max of 30 minutes. Cockerings are not meant to be worn on the ball stretchers or on the balls and cock for multiple hours. They are meant for a shorter period of time. And they should be coated with a lubricant, preferably a water-based lubricant on the inside of them.

Harley (47:04)
Okay.

Okay. Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (47:29)
prior to them going on.

Harley (47:32)
Okay, is that just to help?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (47:33)
That is, so that actually does a couple of things. Not only is it gonna help for it to slide on better, but also as it's being stretched, it's also helping the material itself from that, what I call that rubber band snap. Because the worst thing you wanna do, especially if you're putting it on your penis partner, is for,

Harley (47:55)
yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (48:03)
Give them that rubber band snap. So yes, if you were absolutely, again, it's that horrible C word, y'all. You've got to have communication about it. But yes, so for up to a max of 30 minutes is the recommended.

Harley (48:05)
Yeah, no, that's a bit of a mood killer. Unless you're into that, I'm sure there's definitely some people that will be, but you want to have that conversation first.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (48:32)
the and that is for your jelly type your silicone types and your I'm gonna call them rubber they're not exactly rubber any longer not like your tires would be there there's still a a combination of plastic rubber silicone again above my brain level

Harley (48:45)
Right.

So this feels, actually no, I really want to ask you about Lube, but before we move on, there's another toy I wanted to ask you about. I think they're called Strokers, is that?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (49:04)
Absolutely.

Yes, yes, okay Any partner that Anyone who has a penis partner, please give them a stroker. There is My loves all my loves so my absolute favorite thing are penis strokers penis strokers

Harley (49:13)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Okay, this is going on the Christmas list.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (49:40)
what used to be called pocket pussies. Previously they were a

Harley (49:43)
Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (49:48)
gooey type of material that the penis went into and it almost like the tunnel was stroked around it with the hand. Yes, yes, flesh lights are great, yes. I think flesh lights are probably the one that most everyone knows the most. Of course in my arsenal I did not

Harley (50:00)
Yep. Okay. So is this kind of like a flesh light? it another, is that a type of stroker? Yep.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (50:16)
bring a stroker because I didn't think we would go here so they are my favorite. Strokers give me dick envy.

I have never not wanted my vulva until you look at some of these vibrating strokers.

There are some of them out there that really remind me, like I feel like if I had a camera and I could run it up my vagina, like this is exactly what my vagina would look like, some of them. So okay, let me go back. Strokers are for penis owners. They are exactly that.

Harley (50:51)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (51:01)
The penis goes into the you have ones that are manual again Exactly Correct correct and then there are ones that are vibrating Now they do so much more than just vibrate you have penis strokers that

Harley (51:07)
Yep. So you'd use your hand to almost like you're, jerking yourself off, but you've got this in your hand. Yep. Yep.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (51:30)
can simulate that just do vibrate. You have some that simulate a blow job by they actually suck in the penis and release it and suck it in and release it. Yes.

Harley (51:41)
Wow.

Okay, I'm getting the penis envy now. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (51:46)
You get it there are some stroke errs out there that picture a lava lamp in your head, okay? But instead of the lava it is almost like a I don't know I want to say like a squid all these little Silicon pieces go around to create a tornado around the penis

Harley (51:55)
Yeah.

wow.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (52:15)
If you don't have cock envy now...

Harley (52:20)
It's a pleasure tornado, I love it.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (52:22)
That is like the pleasure tornado.

Harley (52:26)
Wow. Yeah. Yeah. All right. If people didn't have a reason to go into the sex shop and brave their awkwardness, they definitely do now, right? Like some of the toys you've explained sounds so fun.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (52:37)
Let me tell you, penis strokers, you put your fingers in there just to feel the vibration and when you find one that like makes your mind go, it, I wish I had a dick.

Harley (52:45)
Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (52:56)
you should buy for your partner then. But then they also have them to where they are mechanical but feel like either a vagina or an anus. Just depends on the type and brand. Some of those, again let me go back to my, I feel like if I had a camera and I could run it up my vagina, this is the way my vagina looks. They have gotten so

Harley (52:58)
Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. On your preference. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (53:25)
great with the technology in all of the creases and the fiber portions of it of the inside. You can even for those that this appeals to you can even buy penis strokers that are anal that have like like if someone had their balls pierced

Harley (53:34)
Wow.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (53:52)
that they have that almost like a ball hammock for like a better terms on the stroker. Yes. So if that is what you like feeling, yes.

Harley (53:52)
Yeah.

wow. Wow. A bull hammock. Yeah. I love that. Sounds very comfortable.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (54:11)
there are thousands of penis stroker brands out there. I highly suggest going on YouTube and just putting in Penis stroker and looking at some of the videos You'll definitely get dick envy definitely So

Harley (54:15)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (54:29)
I am not gonna lie to you, my husband has probably still in exist- probably still has eight still in existence of strokers slash pocket pussies because every- I- I do- I go in to a store and I'm like this is the new one this is- I would want to use this

Harley (54:44)
Yep. I feel like you want a whole range, don't you? There's so many options. Yeah. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (54:57)
And I also used to work in an adult store to where I was the only one married to a penis owner. So he became our guinea pig for a lot.

Harley (55:03)
Mm-hmm.

Poor thing. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (55:09)
He lives a tough life, I'm just saying. So there's good ones. Again, just like figuring out if a treble or a bass vibrator is the best for you, it's the same way with penis strippers because there are so many variants and so many different fields and so many different materials and so many different functions.

Harley (55:26)
Mmm. Mmm.

I can imagine, yeah. You just open up a hole. It's this Pandora's box.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (55:40)
Well, and I will say and with that so any penis owner that is using a stroker Definitely needs to use a water base or a hybrid So now let me explain a little bit about the difference between water-based hybrid and silicone lube Water lube are what we've all grown up with they've been

Harley (56:01)
Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (56:09)
everywhere. They are lubricants that are made with water. They are the closest to your body's natural form of lubricant. Positives of water-based lubes is they can go with any condom, any toy, sensitivities, pH balance. You can find many of them pH balanced.

Harley (56:20)
Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (56:38)
Again, if you want them in flavors, etc. So the water-based lube world is huge and finding kind of like your preference and your type that you like. Hybrid lubes are a water, half water, half silicone. Just best way to put it. There's some sort of mixture.

Harley (56:42)
Yeah. Yup.

Okay, yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (57:07)
Positive of those is they can still be used with Condoms non latex Because silicones and latex can actually melt now I know you've got a listener out there that has put throwing all their toys into a bag together and

Harley (57:18)
Okay.

Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (57:33)
got to their destination or opened up that box weeks later, years later and found toys to be melted together.

That's kind of the same thing and we'll talk about why that happens too.

Harley (57:46)
Yeah. So toys on toys can do that. You want to store them separately. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (57:48)
Yes, different silicone materials or different materials of toys will have a chemical reaction to each other. So the same reason why with hybrid and silicone lubricants, you want to use non-latex condoms.

Harley (57:59)
Wow, okay.

Yeah. So what's the advantage of using a hybrid then?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (58:17)
So hybrids last a little bit longer. So water, your body naturally absorbs water. So you either gotta add a little bit more of the water lubricant to it, or you've gotta add moisture of some sort to get that slick smoothness back. Hybrid goes a little bit longer before having to add more. It's a little bit...

Harley (58:23)
Right.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (58:45)
I don't really like using this word, but it's a little bit slimier, meaning that it lasts just a little bit longer. Also, if you're having anal sex with a condom, you definitely want to use a hybrid because you're getting that much more, you're getting less friction and it's lasting longer. Silicone lubricants.

Harley (58:53)
Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (59:14)
are last forever. The cleanup of them kind of sucks. Not gonna like if you've ever, yeah. It's like if you've ever spilled olive oil on your countertop in your kitchen and you clean, you wipe that thing a hundred times. Kind of your silicone.

Harley (59:23)
Right. Put a towel down that you don't like.

Riot. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (59:42)
However, silicone does have a place if you are in a relationship to where you are not using Condoms it can be used high quality silicone toys and you're gonna look for that that kind of blue ribbon on the box for the manufacturer can be used with silicone again silicone

Harley (1:00:04)
Okay. Yup.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:00:09)
last longer than water-based lubes, but will deteriorate lower end silicone toys and...

Latex condoms and that's latex female or male condoms

Harley (1:00:23)
Yep, okay.

Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:00:27)
If you think you don't need lube, you need lube.

Harley (1:00:31)
Really?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:00:32)
If, Harley, if you say to me, I'm always wet when we have sex. I don't need lube. baby, you missin' so much. You missin' so very, very, very much.

Harley (1:00:46)
I'll take your advice.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:00:48)
So I always someone says how much lube do you need? I don't know put it in your hand and when you think you've got enough do two more squirts of it You're so the brain is this fucking phenomenal organ It hears the slosh of When you use that extra lube and so what does it make your body do produce more

Harley (1:01:06)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:01:17)
Yeah. Even if you naturally lubricate, still using additional lubrication is going to keep from any tears. And know, those little micro tears that you don't even realize you get until you get an infection. And that's a whole nother podcast in itself right there. But any time you're inserting a toy,

Harley (1:01:30)
Yeah.

Right.

Right.

Mm-hmm.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:01:44)
definitely want to use a lubricant for those micro tears for comfort and to help your body create more also.

Harley (1:01:47)
Okay.

Yeah, yeah, interesting. I didn't know that, but that-

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:01:58)
Mm-hmm. Well, even like we were talking about the Kegel balls.

Harley (1:02:02)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:02:03)
It should use a water-based lubricant on them to insert them.

Harley (1:02:06)
Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:02:08)
doing it to tighten your pelvic floor, absolutely. But you don't want to hurt yourself as you're putting them in. And that's the same for any toy. And also a water-based lubricant on silicone toys like the Cockerings is going to protect the material also, along with protect the skin.

Harley (1:02:15)
right

Interesting. Okay.

All right, now.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:02:30)
So how do we clean off that lubricant is going to be your question, right?

Harley (1:02:33)
That is ex- that's exactly what I was thinking. This is where we segue into cleaning. Because that's my hesitation to use lube is that it's messy.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:02:39)
Thanks

No, no. Okay, so as far as on your person, on yourself, warm soap and water, you're good. Yes, they do make clean up towels now or wet naps for like a better terms. If you prefer those, but just soap and water on your body, on your skin. For toys.

Harley (1:02:52)
Right. Yep.

yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:03:10)
I highly suggest getting a cleaner a reputable cleaner from store from a toy store because they are with Microbial cleaners alcohol and Some sort of I'm gonna say lanolin to keep the irritants

Harley (1:03:19)
Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:03:36)
down Micro micro How do you say that? Micro microbial micro microbial so store Cleaners are micro microbial. I think that's how it's pronounced We're gonna go with it, okay, Our pH balanced so that they can be used again internally

Harley (1:03:42)
I don't know.

Yeah, well, it's close enough, I'm sure. Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:04:03)
please don't use your traditional dish soap. for god's sake, yes, for god's sakes, don't put them in the dishwasher.

Harley (1:04:09)
That was what I was gonna ask. Yeah, don't use soap.

So just soap to grade the toy or is it about contaminating you? It's the toy, yeah. Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:04:19)
Yes, yes, yes and yes, yes and yes. So yes, the soap, and it's not actually soap, it's the residue the soap leaves behind will deteriorate the silicone or the latex of the toy. Causing, like we were talking about that melting to other toys, it's kind of what it does. It makes itself melt. So then,

Harley (1:04:31)
right

Okay.

Okay.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:04:46)
If you've got that residue there and then it is entering into the body again, you've got bacteria. So that's why the toy store cleaners are so important. They're balanced. they've got ones, Harley, you have no excuse not to use lube, because they have got ones. All you gotta do is spray on the toy and wipe it off with a paper towel.

Harley (1:04:53)
Right, yeah.

Perfect.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:05:15)
You don't have to do the soap and the, you know, toy cleaner anymore, or soap and water toy cleaner anymore. You can just spray it on there and wipe it off. So, no excuse, use lube.

Harley (1:05:19)
Yeah.

Very handy, yeah.

all right. And do they, so do these toy cleaners have like a antibacterial agent in them or anything, or they do? Cause I think maybe I'm oversharing here, but I, like, I knew that soap wasn't good to use with toys. So I tend to just use water, like hot water, but that doesn't obviously have any kind of antibacterial in it. So yeah, that's what I'm thinking. The toy cleaner is probably going to be important there. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:05:38)
Yes, yes, yes.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. That's what I was trying to say while I go, was the antibacterial. There we go. I was saying antimicrobial. But yes, they're antibacterial and usually they do have some type of antimicrobial in them also for future bacteria.

Harley (1:06:00)
Yeah, That's what, yeah, that makes sense. Yes.

Yep. Right. Okay. That makes sense. And I did have a, previously on the show, I had a, a doctor come on and talk about, well, we're talking about STIs and sexual health and that sort of stuff, but we did briefly talk about toys and the importance of keeping them clean. And she was saying that often you like your, have your own healthy, good bacteria that your body is used to, but if you end up sharing a toy.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:06:41)
Yes.

Harley (1:06:43)
with a partner, even if it's kind of clean by your standards, you can contaminate them with your body's bacteria.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:06:50)
Right, right. And also on top of that, don't be afraid to put a condom on top of a toy. Give that extra barrier. Still clean it, but give it that extra barrier just so that you're not disrupting your pH, your bacteria.

Harley (1:06:57)
Right. Yep.

Yep.

Mmm.

I've got to ask with these strokers, how do you clean those? It feels like a tunnel of goo.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:07:15)
Mm-hmm.

So think of the inside as being like a tunnel and it's a very...

Harley (1:07:24)
Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:07:29)
very squishy type of tunnel. And what you can you take them out of the stroker and you can literally turn them inside out to clean them. Yes!

Harley (1:07:31)
Yeah, I can imagine,

that's so much easier than what I was imagining.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:07:44)
No, so it's just like taking your blue jeans and turning them inside out to put them in the washing machine. Same concept. It's just that tube. You pull it out and it... Yes, yes! And that's where you see the inside and that's where us vulva owners get a little jealous and we're like, I think that's what my vagina looks like.

Harley (1:07:50)
Yup.

Yep. Like a pair of socks. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:08:12)
did the research for strokers and vagina? I mean like they they did their research.

Harley (1:08:14)
Yeah!

well, we're actually over time, but I figured that might happen with this topic and talking to you, because you're so knowledgeable and it's so much fun talking to you about this. I could still ask you a million questions. But before we, yes, I can hear the passion. It makes it really fun. And that's what this is about. I want the point in this podcast is to normalize these conversations.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:08:33)
Thank you.

I love them.

Harley (1:08:48)
Yeah. So it's wonderful to have people like yourself on the show who are so open and comfortable talking about this stuff. Yeah. So, you're so welcome. Before we finish up, I'd love to hear a little bit about you and the services that you're offering. any of our listeners would like to get in touch with you, how do they do that? How do people work with you?

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:08:49)
Absolutely.

Thank you so much.

so you can reach me and actually find out all of my like scheduling information and etc. can also reach me at 1-888-XO-PILLOW. So that's 1-888-967-4556.

Harley (1:09:37)
cute.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:09:38)
I do everything from pre-marital to I fully fully admit to you guys my love is long-term relationship couples and getting their spark back and that introduction of toys to I also the beginners level for

BDSM and flogging etc.

Harley (1:10:09)
Yeah. Lots of fun there. And do you purely coach in person or do you do online sessions? Yep.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:10:16)
I do in person. I will do after we've met in person. I will do online. I also do workshops and teaching. Yes, yes, I love workshops.

Harley (1:10:30)
yeah.

I can see you being a lot of fun running a workshop.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:10:43)
It's great getting individuals together who think they don't have anything in common and think that they're the only ones who have this problem. And you get into a workshop and you're like, shit, I'm one of 12 in here that came in for the exact same reason with the exact same question. And all that is on my website too.

Harley (1:10:54)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Fantastic. And are you on social media? You've got an Instagram, I believe. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:11:15)
I am! Yes, you can find me on Instagram at Pillow Talk with Wendy. that's W-E-N-D-Y Wendy.

Harley (1:11:23)
Okay, I'll make sure to put a link in the show notes for all of those as well. Last question, I love to ask all my guests this at the end of the episode. I love to ask for book recommendations. So this can be sex related, it can be not sex related, it can be fiction, nonfiction, just a book that you love and you would gift someone.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:11:44)
Can I do two, please? I think everyone that is having sex, I think in order to have sex, should be a prerequisite to read Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski? Yeah, I think that's right.

Harley (1:11:46)
Yeah, go on.

Nope, Nagowski? Yep.

I think I've got it behind me somewhere. Yeah, it is there.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:12:10)
I think that should be a prerequisite penis or vulva owner before you can, like somewhere between masturbation and having sex, you should be required to read that.

Harley (1:12:16)
Mm-hmm.

Put it on the reading list for high school. Seriously. How much better would people be like more well-equipped if we had some like really useful books like that to actually cover the, it feels like basics, but even when I read these books, I'm like, how did I not know that? Like how have I got to this age and not have known that, you know, it would have been so good.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:12:45)
Yeah!

Yes, yes, yes, yes. In reading some of these books, even still today, I'm like, I'm the only one who has this problem. I'm gonna keep it quiet because I'm the only one who's ever dealt with this in the whole wide world of all the centuries. And you read Come As You Are and you're like, I am fucking normal, period. Everybody is normal.

Harley (1:12:52)
Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yup.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:13:18)
So yeah, that's probably my number one and I have to admit I...

You know those questions of if you're ever on a deserted island, one person like Emily would be one of those people I would want there. And my second one is a new one that's come to me and it's called The Rhythm of Women's Desires. It's by Elizabeth Davis and it talks about female sexuality through every stage of life. Yes, from...

Harley (1:13:31)
Yep.

interesting. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:13:55)
pre-hormones to way past post hormones. And again, it's just one of those books that every vulva owner is absolutely fucking normal. And doesn't matter the size of your labia, the size of your vagina, the size of fill in the blood. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. You're normal.

Harley (1:13:57)
Yep.

Wow.

Yeah. that's beautiful. I think that's a really important point when talking about sexuality is that it is different depending on what stage of life you're in. And that everyone goes through lots of changes throughout life, even honestly, day to day. Yeah. Yup. So.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:14:23)
So.

Absolutely, absolutely. And you can be, you can say I wish I was having the sex that I was having 10 years ago. Well, your body's not the same as it was 10 years ago. I don't care how old you are now.

Harley (1:14:53)
Right. Yeah. But don't, don't give up though. Like I think a lot of people go, I'm, I'm past it now. So they don't bother reaching out for help or trying anything because they just think, well, I'm, I'm getting old. So this is meant to happen. There's so much you can do. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:14:59)
No.

Yeah, no. That's one of the beautiful things about being in the Toy Story is that we see people from 18 to I think my oldest client I ever had was 89. I'm like, he's still thinking about sex at 89? Praise you.

Harley (1:15:22)
Wow.

I love that. Yeah.

Fuck yeah.

Setting it an inspiration for all of us. like it. Yeah.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:15:36)
Amen. Harley, thank you so very much for having me.

Harley (1:15:42)
it's been wonderful to talk to you. I've been looking for an excuse to have you on the show because I know you're so much fun to work with. And I'm so glad we talked about toys. Just a little tiny bit.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:15:49)
Thank you. I might have a little passion for them. That's all just a little passion But let me also say for those who are nervous about going into a toy store Your first experience into a toy store doesn't have to be for a toy. It could be for a birthday card It could be for a bachelor bachelorette party Have fun

Harley (1:16:11)
Yes, that is so, yep. I've actually forgot to ask you about that because there are so many other products in sex stores from costumes to erotic games. Like I see all sorts of fun card games and yeah, there's heaps to play with. So if a

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:16:19)
Absolutely.

Absolutely. So if you ever need an excuse, you always need a birthday card at some point in time. You know one of your girlfriends needs an inappropriate card. There's your invitation.

Harley (1:16:35)
RUT

Yep, I love it. Just have a little bit of a browse while you're in there see what's on the shelves. All right. Thank you so much, Wendy. So this is actually the last episode I'm doing for the year. my gosh. Somehow it's mid December already. So I will be back probably early to mid January, depending on my schedule.

Yeah, definitely need to take a little bit of a break as we all do. Thank you everyone for listening to the show. I really appreciate your support. That is why I keep making episodes because you guys keep listening. And whether you're just listening to episodes or if you follow me on social media or on Instagram or Fetlife, if you read my writings, if you're on my newsletter mailing list, all of those things really, really help support me and encourage me to keep going.

And every time I hear from you, I learn too. So I really encourage you to reach out. If you'd like to give me a Christmas gift, please give me a five star rating on Spotify or Apple podcasts. I know I always ask for this, but it is something you can do in two seconds that actually really helps the show grow. And those ratings are anonymous, so you don't need to worry about privacy there. I've got big plans for next year.

Got some exciting guests lined up, which I can't wait for. till then everyone hope you have a wonderful safe and happy holiday season. know this can be a difficult time for some people, so please take care of yourself. Take some much needed rest. We have been talking a while. I'm starting to lose my voice. so I'll leave it there. Thank you so much, Wendy. Once again, everyone have.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:18:29)
Thank you.

Harley (1:18:31)
Have lots of orgasms over your Christmas break. Play safe, have fun, and I will talk to you in the new year.

Pillow Talk W/ Wendy (1:18:35)
So lovely.